Saturday, September 29, 2012
Closet!
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Thursday, September 20, 2012
"Relaxation Time. Let Yourself Go."
Ok, we just finished our second birthing class. It was an evening class in the same office of the hospital that we've been visiting for all our check-ups.
This birthing class was especially memorable because, at the end, we had "relaxation time."
This "relaxation time" consisted of the various teams/couples/partners moving all the chairs to the side then laying down on the floor (remember, of a hospital waiting room) with nothing but two pillows we had brought ("where's your other hand?"). 80% of the couples IMMEDIATELY snuggled up together and looked to be fast asleep. Lights were still on. Teacher was still talking. DeeDee and I were sitting there on the floor, looking around with "WHAAAAA?" ping-pong-ball-eyes.
So, we got low and cozy to the waiting room floor. Carpeted, at least. We were facing each other. Teacher turns out the lights and starts up a relaxation CD. I was expecting soft music or nature sounds. Nope. Some lame lady quietly saying lame things about some lame activity we're supposed to be loving. All wrapped in a very wet echo effect. RELAX....Relax....relax....rel...
DeeDee, very first thing, whispers, "All I can think of is someone farting." We both start giggling uncontrollably.
Some back story. I have had bad allergies all week. Several times, I wanted to leave work early but was able to tough it out. DeeDee (just today) felt like she was getting sick. So we were both in great shape to be down on the floor in a quiet room.
Back to "Relaxation Time." My eyes were watering, nose was running. I actually had a fart loaded and ready to blow. We both were exerting ninja-like willpower to stay quiet. If I actually HAD farted, I would have pee'd my pants, guaranteed. We would have run out of there in shame.
Someone in the room started snoring. There was a cleaning crew in many neighboring rooms making a racket. A door alarm went off somewhere. A distant door opened and scraped the floor. It sounded just like a deep bass KRRRRRRR fart. I couldn't look DeeDee in the eyes. There were a couple times I had to bury my face in the pillow to muffle the laughter. We both went in and out of giggle fits. It was the least-relaxing ten minutes of our lives!
The CD finally ended and teacher gave us a few minutes to "come out of the relaxation slowly." She popped on one row of the overhead fluorescents right above our heads. Blinding!
We staggered out of the room and down the stairs. There was no way we could ride down four stories packed in an elevator with everyone else.
Out of the stairwell into the first floor hall; we sense the end is very close. One final turn. The exit is locked! We struggle to turn the deadbolt. The doors spring open! Out into the fresh night air! Sweet escape!
I believe this experience had brought me full circle.
I remember fourth-grade science class. My teacher was Mr. Hazlett. My lab partner was my good friend, P.J. Our previous evening's assignment had been to read a chapter in the textbook. The subject had been about, ahem, human reproduction. To review, each student in class would read a paragraph or two out loud.
Just before we began, P.J. whispered to me, "I hope I don't have to read THAT paragraph!" Mr. Hazlett immediately called P.J. to read the paragraph about how the "penis enters the vagina." It was SOO freakin' funny! I'm pretty sure we looked like pathetic, immature little boys who could not be adults and handle the subject matter like everyone else. Whether that was true or not, that was the first time I remember having to stifle unstifle-able laughter during an inappropriate situation.
That is all. We're beat. GOOD NIGHT!
OH WAIT! Just NOW, DeeDee came in and reported baby having hiccups. I listened belly-side and confirmed. CUTE!
Ok, NOW, good night.
This birthing class was especially memorable because, at the end, we had "relaxation time."
This "relaxation time" consisted of the various teams/couples/partners moving all the chairs to the side then laying down on the floor (remember, of a hospital waiting room) with nothing but two pillows we had brought ("where's your other hand?"). 80% of the couples IMMEDIATELY snuggled up together and looked to be fast asleep. Lights were still on. Teacher was still talking. DeeDee and I were sitting there on the floor, looking around with "WHAAAAA?" ping-pong-ball-eyes.
So, we got low and cozy to the waiting room floor. Carpeted, at least. We were facing each other. Teacher turns out the lights and starts up a relaxation CD. I was expecting soft music or nature sounds. Nope. Some lame lady quietly saying lame things about some lame activity we're supposed to be loving. All wrapped in a very wet echo effect. RELAX....Relax....relax....rel...
DeeDee, very first thing, whispers, "All I can think of is someone farting." We both start giggling uncontrollably.
Some back story. I have had bad allergies all week. Several times, I wanted to leave work early but was able to tough it out. DeeDee (just today) felt like she was getting sick. So we were both in great shape to be down on the floor in a quiet room.
Back to "Relaxation Time." My eyes were watering, nose was running. I actually had a fart loaded and ready to blow. We both were exerting ninja-like willpower to stay quiet. If I actually HAD farted, I would have pee'd my pants, guaranteed. We would have run out of there in shame.
Someone in the room started snoring. There was a cleaning crew in many neighboring rooms making a racket. A door alarm went off somewhere. A distant door opened and scraped the floor. It sounded just like a deep bass KRRRRRRR fart. I couldn't look DeeDee in the eyes. There were a couple times I had to bury my face in the pillow to muffle the laughter. We both went in and out of giggle fits. It was the least-relaxing ten minutes of our lives!
The CD finally ended and teacher gave us a few minutes to "come out of the relaxation slowly." She popped on one row of the overhead fluorescents right above our heads. Blinding!
We staggered out of the room and down the stairs. There was no way we could ride down four stories packed in an elevator with everyone else.
Out of the stairwell into the first floor hall; we sense the end is very close. One final turn. The exit is locked! We struggle to turn the deadbolt. The doors spring open! Out into the fresh night air! Sweet escape!
I believe this experience had brought me full circle.
I remember fourth-grade science class. My teacher was Mr. Hazlett. My lab partner was my good friend, P.J. Our previous evening's assignment had been to read a chapter in the textbook. The subject had been about, ahem, human reproduction. To review, each student in class would read a paragraph or two out loud.
Just before we began, P.J. whispered to me, "I hope I don't have to read THAT paragraph!" Mr. Hazlett immediately called P.J. to read the paragraph about how the "penis enters the vagina." It was SOO freakin' funny! I'm pretty sure we looked like pathetic, immature little boys who could not be adults and handle the subject matter like everyone else. Whether that was true or not, that was the first time I remember having to stifle unstifle-able laughter during an inappropriate situation.
That is all. We're beat. GOOD NIGHT!
OH WAIT! Just NOW, DeeDee came in and reported baby having hiccups. I listened belly-side and confirmed. CUTE!
Ok, NOW, good night.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
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